Where the hell have you been?

I don’t get why I don’t write more.  I guess when I’ve gotten in a pattern where all the writing I do is for work… writing in itself starts feeling like work.  Boo that.  Boo that indeed.

The current state of my life is… not so great.  Not to complain – I’m able to keep a roof over my head and keep myself fed.  Ha… that rhymed.  Really, that’s what’s important though, right?  Money is easily the biggest cause of stress in my life right now – and I know I’m not alone, but it doesn’t make things any easier.  It’s to the point lately where I’ve been having some serious thought about moving out of Vegas and just seeing if I can get a job back home.  (Word is that jobs are slightly easier to find up there.)  I can’t bring myself to do that though – too much pride.  I think I’ve said it before, but I feel like moving home would be admitting defeat to a certain extent.

Not to put too much about my job situation out there, but I’ve been in limbo for months now.  (And not the fun kind!  I could handle the fun kind.)  I feel like a broken record, but everytime I ask about any progress towards a FT job, I get the response “possibly, in a couple months”.  I wait a couple months, ask again, get the same answer.  Everything’s out of my hands, with the exception of going out and trying to find a new job – which I’ve found is all but impossible here in LV unless I want to move into sales.  Which I don’t. Not that there’s anything wrong with sales, but I did it for almost 3 years with Schwans, and it’s nothing that I really liked, at all.  Gah.  Enough with the whiny bullshit, though.  No one likes to hear about that.

I’m pretty excited for June to come – I’m actually getting to cover E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) in LA for Spawn Kill.  I’ve always kept track of E3 stuff online, or on TV.  It’s going to be crazy to actually be covering it live.  The next few weeks will be a flurry of appointment-making and RSVP-ing, and then when June 2-4th rolls around, I’ll likely be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to make time for this demo here, and this press conference there, and trying to maybe live Tweet and put some video stuff together.  Who knows?  Either way, I think it’ll be a great time, an awesome opportunity to make some contacts, and a pretty good way to get the site some exposure.

So… let’s veer off a little bit.  Have you ever been told that you are “too positive”, or that you “never lose your cool”?  Recently I was told just that… is that a bad thing?  I mean, I really do try to keep the appearance that I never freak out about anything – and to an extent, I don’t.  I mean, to me it doesn’t seem like freaking out helps anything, ever.  Given a choice of freaking out and letting my emotions take over vs. trying to think about whatever it is calmly – I’ll take the cautious thought every time.

A couple of people I’ve told about this have jokingly responded, “Well… that’s the fundamental difference between men and women.”

When I think more about it though, sometimes I wish I would just freak out.  Sometimes I wish I could just spend a week being way less than positive and moping around publicly.  It’s just not in me though.  Growing up, it seems like my family and I went through much, much tougher stuff than the trivial crap I deal with these days.  Not to say my problems are completely trivial – but by comparison, I’ve come through harder times with nary a scratch.

It boggles my mind when I know of people who’ve made it through rougher times than I have, and they dwell on the negativity – hell, some of them revel in it.  You just kind of want to step to them and say, “Hey!  You made it through alright!  Now stop being a whiny douchebag, ’cause I know you’re way better than that!”  Hell, I should just up and do that to random people on the street.  I’m guessing I’d get about 50/50 when it comes to good and bad responses.

Wow, this blog feels like it was kind of a waste of time (way whinier than I ever wanted it to turn out) but it was pretty cathartic, I won’t lie.  I’m feeling way better than when I started… or maybe that’s just the coffee starting to kick in.  Mmm… coffee.