Why is it that I have such a hard time expressing any significant feelings to others in person? Therapists, family, loved ones, it doesn’t matter, I have a hard time talking. There is something about this keyboard and screen of my laptop that allows me to spew anything and everything from the depths of my soul.
This is new to me. I have never had such an outlet before. I don’t know if anyone reads this stuff, and I don’t really care. People “like” it on social media and comment so it is obviously being viewed some, but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
This freedom in anonymity extends to radio and podcasts also. Not as much, I think because typing allows for time to think and process so I can convey my feelings more thoroughly. When I am speaking I tend to get off track and find it hard to complete thoughts. On the microphone I am not seeing who I am speaking to, and I don’t know who is on the other end of the radio or computer.
I guess it is a good thing that I will be getting two microphones delivered tomorrow. Now instead of just writing when I get the urge in the middle of the night, I can record my thoughts and feelings and broadcast them to the world.
Is anyone listening? I don’t know, and the beautiful thing is that I don’t care! Does anyone read my blog? I am sure, but once again, I don’t care! It is all for me! I feel better after sitting down and writing a 1,000 word post then I do as a result of any medication or from any therapist visit. It really is a beautiful thing.
If you are reading this, don’t judge too harshly. These posts are me. My most honest and free thoughts and feelings that you would never be able to have access to if you were simply talking to me.